"You had no business being friends with them, girl" -L.Rod
Ever feel as though you had no business being “friends” with someone? Once the “friendship” is ceased, you realize, wow, it must not have been a real friendship. For so many, it always takes a really bad situation to occur, in order for them to to take a step back, and realize, dang, why did I even attempt to build something real with some, based on such a shaky foundation????
Living in LA, you bare witness to many demented engagements, hear many bizarre stories. I have heard, witnessed, and even been personally involved with any & ever horrid, comedy of a situation that you can imagine. Nothing these days surprise me, nor will I ever put anything passed any person
People become “friends" in the most peculiar ways.
You have a mutual friend who connects you, so “we can all go out & be friends”
You go out with a friend, and their “friend" is present, some how you exchange info
You are introduced to someone one night, the next day they have friend request you on Facebook
You are @-ed by one friend, with the new person included in the tweet, so you begin to follow
You’ve “heard about” this person, through the grapevine & decide you want to see what their about
You purposely place yourself in the same environment of someone you know has major connects
You once dated someone, who dated this person, and are connected by mutual feelings of distaste
Someone tells you, “Do you know ‘so & so’. You guys have so much in common. Ya’ll could the best of friends.”
In all reality, how long do these “friendships" REALLY last? How long until one of you realize that don’t REALLY have much in common with this person, that the foundation you built this ‘ship on was set to break & fall through upon first conversation? Yet you’ve decided, hey, she’s cute, I’m pretty, both pull similar type of men, we look good out, with her connects & mine conjoined, who can stop us?
Until you take your very first vacation, and your favorite pair of Cesare Paciotti shoes come up missing
Until one ask to lend money to the other, and 7 months pass, with no reimbursement
Until one begins to show jealousy & insecurities, bad mouthing the other, to the former mutual friend
Until you realize how pushy, assertive, jealous, aggressive, possessive & PSYCHOTIC this person is
Until egos clash, and arguments never seem to disperse, any & every time you step out, something bad always occurs
Until you both set sights & determination towards the same guy……… Let the games begin!
Friendships are like relationships & family ‘ships, all in one. You want a friend who likes you for you, wants to be around you because of your personality, not for what you can do for them. Someone who will always have your back, and not envy or be two faced, someone who is your ride or die, but will not take advantage of you.
Watch you who call a “friend”, versus a friend. Beware of who you divulge personal business to & please please, watch who you bring around your boyfriend, girlfriend, real friends & family members. Females these days are enticing, alluring, sneaky, and will do whatever it takes to get what they want, especially if you have it.
I keep my grass cut low, so I can see the snakes it bares.
20% of the people you tell your problems to don’t care.
The other 80% are glad to hear you have them.
When asked why it seemed like I went through “friends”, as I go through underwear, I can simply respond… I have had my set of real friends from elementary, to high school, and a handful I have met in college, but majority…. close to 10 years (several for longer).
I don’t trust easily, though strangely, I seem friendly enough for females to go out of their way to befriend me, I’m not. So these heauxs I met in college, out on the scene, or through other people, come & go, but at the end of the day….. I know my true friends, I don’t need any more & my blood family will always be forever!
I love allll my true girlfriends. I will ride for them. The end :)
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24
Emily: He just told the world how much he loves you.
Chrissy: Stop telling me and SHOW ME. Assuringly enough, men and women of my age and generation, don’t have a sure 100% chance of easily altering their relationship dynamics nor personality dispositions exhibited within relationship present day, versus 10 years from now. Granted, with experience comes wisdom, with years, comes much experience, but why is it so difficult for young people to convert our petty, immature, selfish predilections into chivalrous, benevolent, “grown” mannerisms? I promised myself I would not make my blog another chronicles of hot gossip, divulged with info of today’s favorite websites and reality shows. I mean….. that is what the blog & website entrepreneurs are PAID to create. And I surely am not being paid. Nor do I care that much about the next, every day person nor famous/celebrity, for that matter. But every now and then I Tivo some of these outrageous, radical “Reality Television Shows”, and not seeing the 2 prior episodes, I happened to rewind to this episode of “Love & Hip Hop”, which gave me inspiration for this here blog entry!
How many of us that are in on and off again or long term relationships, stay, because we convince ourselves that things will get better over an imaginary period of time?
How many of us feel comfortable within the unhealthy ‘ship, not wanting to break up, for fear of not ever finding someone new?
How many of us have been in a relationship for so much of our life, we wouldn’t even know how to act to not be in one?
How many of us are afraid to sleep alone and feel lonely?
How many of us are afraid to start over? Dreading the finding, meetings, mingling & dating portion as a whole?
How many of us believe the tales we hear, that they will be ready, “just be patient” & “it takes time”?
Every female I know has been involved in one or more of these predicaments with their man, and to tell you the truth, how you start off, is generally how you will finish. If he is not ready now, how can you be so assured that he will be in 5..6..10 down the line? Granted, boys grow into men, but many 25 year old “men”, have been acting out how they acted at 18 years of age, and will be involved in the same antics at 38 years.
MEN HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE ON THEIR OWN ACCORD. WE CANNOT EVER FORCE A MAN INTO BEING A BETTER MAN THAN WHAT HE IS CAPABLE OF BEING! For example, look at some of the grown men we know, uncles, older cousins, older friends, our own fathers, even. I’m not faithless; some boys eventually mature, not only physically, but mentally as men, but there are a growing amount of boys living in men bodies, that will undoubtedly NEVER CHANGE.Face it. Be a real. Don’t get you hopes all up, girlfriend.
For the males that are not being dogs of nature, the males we know who own good hearts, those are the men that are tenable against society’s view of men. Not the whores since birth, whoring along family genetic lines and can’t stay in a committed relationship, all while manipulating the “I will change one day, baby for you, it’s just hard today” whores. Males who may be immature in the mind, yet desire to learn the foundation of what “a real man” is, displaying admiration for wanting to one.
The men that do their dirt, yet still respect you as his lady (if that even makes sense), to SHOW you, one step at a time, that he is not completely like the rest of his kind! No angel he is not, but you can’t help who you fall in love with, only who you stay in love with. And if YOU choose to stay in love with a dog, make sure he is a loyal dog. Make sure he knows where home is, not sleeping where he craps. Making sure he is gradually changing his attitude about relationships and behaviors taken within your ‘ship, for the better of you both.
When we tune out our pride and check our ego at the door is when we can really come to terms with what the basic problems of our relationships are. When we admittedly agree that it is never a one sided problem, but a dual responsibility is when we can begin growing within our relationship, as well as individually! So much easier said than done, I know, I fall victim to these within my own personal life, and if you have been in close relations to me, you know I am no walk in the park :) But to know me is to love me, and to love me is to gain much love for yourself from me. That’s just the type of female I am with mine. When you truly love someone, you no longer see “I”s but “We”s, no you’re not supposed to loose you identity, but you are supposed to grow better as a person, with someone who WANTS to make you better, not just argue, fight & bring you down! Talk is cheap, and many women reveal their worth by how much they take.
Don’t just tell us you love us, show us. (Consistency)Don’t just show us you love us, tell us. (Communication) As cliche and commonly used, the following statement is, it could not serve so much purpose in all relationships.
"Actions speak louder than words."
All displayed through ACTION, the SHOW in “Show & Tell.”
1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
How many of us have used these excuses to justify why we are not where we know well & well we need to be:
I am not religious. I am spiritual.
I don’t go to church because I don’t have time Sundays.
I used to go to church when I was younger, but my family stopped going.
So did I.Black churches are too much drama.
The people who go to church act Holy only on Sundays but any other day they wild.
People who go to church are hypocrites.
I don’t want to disrespect God by going to church, because my life isn’t where He wants it to be.
I don’t need to go to church. I pray on my own time and have my own church.
I am going to hell regardless, so why waste my time?
I don’t need church to get to heaven. God knows my heart.
I don’t do anything bad enough to where I need to attend church every day.
Pastors are crooks and just want my money.
I go on Easter Sunday.
When what you should be saying is: I am not where I would like to be with God, nor do I know how to get there.
I am afraid.
I feel judged.
I don’t feel comfortable around others who are so comfortable in their religion and in the spirit.
I am too lazy.
I am scared of how people will look at me.I am afraid of letting God down.
I am scared these church goers will see right through me.
I am not ready to change.I don’t know how to change.
I am afraid to hear the truth.I know I sin often and I am embarrassed for someone to tell me about my sins.
I just need one person to reach out to me.
What we claim to know, yet seem to doubt is, GOD TAKES US AS WE ARE. His disciples are expected to as well. Of course, not every person follows His word, every second of the day, but we all sin, and no one sin is greater than the next. Yes, He expects us to have our own moral grounding, faith in Him, and be able to communicate with Him (through prayer especially), but your Pastor works as the middle man. How many times have you told yourself, "I don’t need any Pastor telling you what I can find out on your own." Only to get to church and he opens you eyes to something new, or reiterates what you have forgotten? We all have our own faith and are given enough reasoning and power to use our own hearts and spirit to know what is right and wrong, for us as well, but if you really believe not going to church will leave you just as knowledgably and aware as going to church would, you will have an awakening. THERE ARE GOOD CHURCHS WITH GOOD PASTORS. Don’t let Satan work through the news, tabloids and gossip of your peers trick you into believe this common theory. Even I have had my fare share of horrible experiences with churches, but my search never ceased. And I am happy with both churches I regularly attend.
I can also understand, that some feel church becomes stale, and as we all know, our soul is at a constant need for feeding. Not gathering at a building, where there is a large congregation, expecting praise and worship sessions to takes pace. But the bible states, church can be held with 2 or 3 persons, gathered together, under His name, to learn from one another and teach one another (Matt 18:20). Me personally, I feel with our world being so corrupt, people included, I need someone else who is of higher authority, who God is constantly working though, speaking to, and who has chosen, as his life path, to be constant work for my Lord, to serve me, feeding me knowledge I might never have thought to research on. I take notes in church, and when I compare my notes from a pastor, compare o my quiet time notebook, I do a pretty good job… BUT I HAVE QUESTIONS! QUESTIONS I WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER ON MY OWN, ANY TIME SOON, NOR WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF MY PEERS.
But that is where church and a pastor comes into play for ME. I cannot speak for the next, nor can I tell anyone else how to live my life. I just know where my life was before I was re-found and where it has been lead to since! Only God can rightfully judge you, and he does know each of our hearts, individually and respectfully our lives are in His hands and no one else’s. I just know how I grow closer to him:
And more praying:)
Hi, My name is Mone, and
I am a Godoholic, Proverbs 31 Woman in the making.
Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.”
Am I wrong for intermittently believing our generation is constantly destroying all humanity, leaving me no faith in our people to create a better world for our great grands’ generation, and in order to do so our earth needs to be wiped out, as My All Knowing, All Being, All Powerful God says in Genesis 6:7? (For those who know me, you are fully aware of how spiritual I am, as well as my beliefs, on top of the work I do with children (foster care, “delinquents”, probation and “problematic"etc. etc.), but I do not blame them. And that is for a future blog….. Am I wrong for frowning upon any other race, besides my own, who feel obligated to “stick it out” with our men, or those who utilize the word “nigga" like it’s their freedom of speech? (Which it is.)
Am I wrong to not hate, dislike or even have beef with ANY of the black femaleswho attempted to taunt me growing up, to make me feel like I was wrong, because they assumed my parents acquiring the means to hand me my life on a silver platter, was unfair, yet I grew to have a disposition towards all African American women, PRESENTLY, who aren’t family or family friend? (I hate black girls.) Am I wrong to prejudge you based on your physical appearance, categorizing you in a sectionalized methodological grouping, I studied in one of my Undergraduate Psychology courses? (I believe the project was ANTI judgment, yet I photographically mimic the classifications upon meeting any and everyone.)
Am I wrong for never telling the full truth so help me God? (“Lying by omission.” Privacy. Discretion. Never airing dirty laundry about family, friends, relationships, personals. All in which I was raised on and valued. You feel free to make up and say whatever you want about me. I won’t give you the truth necessary to fabricate even more. Have fun. It has all worked for me thus far, clearly.)
Am I wrong to feel as though I have never experienced “real love”, not to say he isn’t present in my life, but openly stating, I do not know what “unconditional, undying love” should look like? (Most men I meet serve purposes, rather lust, crush, like or playhouse love. All men are different, carying many flaws, none fitting my obviously, fairy tale, unflawed, perfectible, day dreaming, inexistent ultimate mold of a man, so it was alway just easiest to never give your heart exclusively in full, have who I needed around, for what emotional needs I held, at that current time. It is what it is.) Is it wrong that I would swerve to hit a human being before an animal on the road?Is it wrong that I sometimes doubt if I love him, but I always tell him I love him?Is it wrong that I would choose my family, before any other person, no matter what the situation at hand was?Is it wrong that I don’t drink alcohol, but I will buy my girls drinks till they pass out, cold?Is it wrong that I’ve been a vegetarian since 8, but have cheated on my beliefs with chicken, because it’s just so finger licking good?Is it wrong that I have a close relationship with God yet I hate people?Is it wrong that I feel, although I am nowhere near a saint towards outsiders, because I treat myself & my people good, and am obliged to God that I can get away with it?Is it wrong that I believe I am one of God’s Chosen one(s) and you just may not be?
Well in my world, I am never wrong.
"You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. But if I do judge, My decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with The Father, who sent Me." John 8:15-16